You are The High Priestess

Science, Wisdom, Knowledge, Education.

The High Priestess is the card of knowledge, instinctual, supernatural, secret knowledge. She holds scrolls of arcane information that she might, or might not reveal to you. The moon crown on her head as well as the crescent by her foot indicates her willingness to illuminate what you otherwise might not see, reveal the secrets you need to know. The High Priestess is also associated with the moon however and can also indicate change or fluxuation, particularily when it comes to your moods.

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Upon greater reflection about my last post, I began to wonder "What is my calling?"  I've been asking myself this for some time.  This becomes even more complicated when the gifts I once had have gone away.  Did I not exercise them enough?  Are they like muscles and atrophy without use?  Did I even have strong enough energy to dare claim I had any to begin with?  These are the questions I ask.  There was nothing really remarkable about me.  I was in touch with something just enough to make me different, enough for me to know that there was more going on than others seemed aware of.  Now, I only know it is there simply because I know it could not disappear...I've apparently just misplaced my keys (or maybe it's a secret knock?).  Whatever it is, I read comments and stories of others and I wonder about myself a little more.  I know I am in the right place to understand.  Unfortunately, I wonder "Do I belong?"  I feel a bit like the younger sister tagging along;  understanding the conversation, but yet not able to participate.  I am having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that I was given a glimpse, and must be content with that.  I know, and that is more than most will truly accept.  

Events such as these make me want to rise to action...and yet turn away from humankind.  That in the face of such devastation and chaos people are still willing to hinder rescue efforts.  Yes, they may have a valid reason for wanting the river to change course.  They deal with flooding every year.  I realize they have problems as well, but is it worth the lives of others?  I guess it is a question of how far some are willing to go for themselves.  It brings up tears from riots, Katrina...In addition to all the fear and sadness, I cannot help but be in awe of Nature and her power.  My thoughts are with those being effected, but events such as these only remind me of how small we really are.  How we are not as powerful as we think we are.  And how we need to remember that we need each other, because we are in this together. Always.

I was thinking about all the things that got me where I am.  How things could have been different...but would I want them to be?  Also, what I need to be mindful of in the future to not continue to make the same sort of mistakes (one time around some "learning experiences" is enough!).  And on the fun side, how I can break out of my old routine and try new ways of looking at the world!

This is my first experience with blogs, I never really understood them.  I'm still coming to terms with the whole "being open with strangers" idea...But, my current method hasn't gotten me very far so it's time to try something new!  I'm pushing aside my feelings that I'm not enlightened enough to be here.  I don't live green enough or I've lapsed on my yoga practice so I don' t  really belong.  The truth is, I do belong.  I've known my whole life that there's something there.  I couldn't (and still can't) see through the eyes of any one particular dogma and be satisfied.  I must admit, you don't know what you have until it's gone.  So true.  All the connection that I thought I had, is gone.  My experiences before were nothing stupendous, life-altering, I-am-one-with-the-Universe type experiences.  I just felt like maybe I was on to something.  Well,  it appears to have moved on and left no forwarding address.  And it's frightening to have to experience the world how so many others do.  Something akin to walking into a room and being unable to find the light switch...Or maybe going to a library that's been reorganized by some secret system.  You know what you're looking for is there...just where to begin?